All you need to know about the new iPhones: 8, 8 Plus, and the mighty X

To all the rich kids out there, your parents are gonna hate your after reading this. So, navigate away right now!
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Oh, you still here? Guess your parents will see about that!

Without taking much time, let’s start with something that’ll send shiver down your
veins!

The new iPhone X will have Face recognition feature! How cool is that?

First pattern, then TouchID, and now we’ve come to FaceID.

Libtards will say that Apple might steal so much data about you
and might use it in its own benefit.

One was quoted saying that, “Here you’re readily providing your face for like 1500 times a day and then you blabber
about right to privacy with Aadhar which asks for your Eyes for only once in a lifetime”!

Well, let them say what they want, we’re Apple fanatics and would never listen to the sensible talks!

(Why should we? It’s making us happy and being happy is good, right? Even you would want that if only you had that kind
of money, pauper!)

So, my dear fellas, here I present to you the new iPhone according to their respective categories:

The Ultra Rich One

Apple iPhone X I mean!

According to ET, in India, the iPhone X sale would begin on November 3 and is
priced at 89000 matra!

Against this small donation to the cause, you’ll get to be featured under the
elite section of the society!

Isn’t that enough already?

Ok, you want more! Let’s add screen to it, an Apple logo (obviously) and 90 degree
rotated camera!

Your foreign counterparts are happy with it!

But, guess what? You’re an Indian and Bhukhi-Nangi country is written all over your forehead so, it’s obvious that
you’ll ask more against such sheer small numbers.

When Cook showed what he was cooking
lately, the whole world lost its wits and jumped to another galaxy. ( Steve Jobs theatre: A spaceship remuneration)

What makes the new iPhone different from the others?

It likes Roman more than English!

Well, if it was for any other past launches then after saying this my job would’ve
been done here! Unfortunately, Apple this time is not the Apple that we’ve known for so long!

(Also read: The evolution of iPhones over the years)

Yeah, like literally! Without our beloved “home key”, it looks almost fetish! The new iPhone X
has just big black screen from head to toe excluding some curvy looking camera and sensors at the top.

Apple made very sure that the screen is jet black this time and used super Retina OLED
1125X2436 display reportedly being made by Samsung, otherwise the normal LCD used shows
pretty dark grey instead of black!

(Like there is not enough darkness in life already!)

Besides, I like the fact that these two guys have started getting along with each
other well!

Since they have robbed the home button from us, they stupidly tried to convince us to believe that the side button would
do the job just fine.

(It looks to me as just a sidekick and you already know my crave for being the
center of attention!)

As mentioned on wired,
the side button is also the power button! Long Press it to wake up Siri, two times for Apple
Pay, and to start the phone you’ll have to bear with the cringeworthy irritation of swiping up.

Animoji is Apple’s way of showing that we’ve become social animals but animals nonetheless.

(If you can’t recall any such past attempts, maybe you’ve never used the Dog filter in Snapchat)

The easy-to-ignore features of iPhone X includes:

• Super fast A11 Bionic Processor for calming the nerves of you augmented reality and artificial intelligence geeks.
• 3 Gigs of RAM for smooth multitasking.
• The battery lasts 2 hours longer than the iPhone 7 and the wireless charging is an add on.
• 2 dual 12 megapixels camera with f/1.8 and f/2.4 apertures to shoot
• brilliant quality 4K or slow motion films with lesser turbulence. The LED true tone flash enhances the naturality
  of the picture.
• FaceID so that you’ll stop animal abuse during Holi.

The hush-hush rich types

These guys fear income tax more than they fear God. People buying iPhone 8
plus are the real reason why our country is lagging behind in the overall development.

They have money but not enough to buy iPhone X, neither they want to be called substandard by
buying iPhone 8.

To be honest, both of these models don’t have any significant improvement over the
previous models but they’ll do. They’ll do just fine.

It’s an iPhone for Christ’s sake!

The features are wohi purane ghise pite, bdiya camera, TouchId or
wohi Siri ki Behekane wali aawaaz.

(People have shot whole wedding on an iPhone!)

Not a wedding person? Maybe this would in help in general!)

Also read: Takeaways from
the Most Iconic Photographers in Human History

In technical terms the features of iPhone 8 and 8 Plus are:

Both of the iPhones just introduced will have 12MP camera each, 4.7 and 5.5 inches screen respectively,
iOS 11, A11 Bionic processor, 2GB and 3GB RAM respectively.

They come in the variants of 64GB and 256GB, and wireless charging for a wireless world. (I don’t know what that means!)

So, what are you waiting for?

Go on, order now! You’ll love it!

And no, they don’t have the FaceID! Who loves to see your face anyway?